








Кхм. Канон.
Vader: [text] um
Vader: u there????
Vader: PLS SAY YES ITS V V URGENT
Obi-Wan: Force, what is it NOW, Anakin? It’s late here and my back hurts.
Vader: so uh i just got to thinkin lately
Vader: like sidious totally played me that was a bunch of bullshit
Obi-Wan: What?
Vader: yeah i mean he told me u didnt love me but also ur still texting me 15 yrs later and like sending me blankets and talking about my show w me and shit which is kinda weird if u hate me
Vader: and i never believed any of that stuff he said about u and padme anyways bc hello u both had me plz i remember what i looked like
Obi-Wan: I’m not sure how to feel about this.
Vader: lol
Vader: ok but like…so i talked to him?
Vader: and i wuz all ‘u lied to me bc the jedi were maybe lowkey dicks sometimes but mostly u are the fucking WORST???? like and fuck u u never even visit my lava castle and NOBODY watches my stories with me now and i fuckin HATE THAT AND ALSO IM STILL PISSED ABOUT THE SAVING PPL FROM DYING THING WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT WAS THAT’
Obi-Wan: You SAID that to him? To the Emperor?
Vader: yeah haha it was pretty crazy i was like hooooooly shit cant believe im going there
Vader: so then he was all ‘u need a hardware upgrade or some time in exile or something’ and I was like FUCK THIS so um yeah
Obi-Wan: Um yeah what????
Vader: well long story short hes dead and i guess im the emperor?? lolllllll
Obi-Wan: Bloody hell.
Vader: but ok obiwan look i dont like know ANYTHING about this shit theres these guys in my room asking me about taxes???? and im supposed to give a speech??? 😂 😂 😂
Vader: so like idk where u are but i was thinking maybe u can do it
[five minute pause]
Vader: u there
Obi-Wan: what
Vader: u wanna be the emperor ur sooooo much better at this stuff and also sooooo handsome and then u can be with meeeee 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘
Vader: im SOOOOO not ready for this but i told some people here i knew a guy
Obi-Wan: Sweet merciful Force, Anakin.